On the rebound

On the rebound

Have you ever been on a rebound relationship? 

You might be considered one when you get involved with someone who had just ended a previous relationship. When someone is just rebounding, most probably they only needed an emotional attachment, someone to confide with during the process of recovering from heartaches and they usually mistake this emotional connection to new-love.

Either way, being on the receiving end of this kind of relationship is definitely an extreme emotional torture. More often, you are likely to be in the uncomfortable position competing with the remains of the past relationship and wondering if the new relationship is enough to provide fulfillment. In addition to that, you are more likely to take place of what is only left behind, you are basically there to mitigate the hurt, the pain, you are just an outlet, or cover up, which is a very awful feeling.

How does it feel to be one?

1. You never get the confidence and assurance of their Love.

2. You see the difference in attitude and affection that is totally different from how they treat you compared to how they were on the previous one.

3. You see them flare-up fast by anything related to their past, a name, a place, a situation, and even someone else’s stories similar to them hurt them still.

4. The amount of effort is different for you.

It’s really very awful to be in that situation, really, You may have the tendency to lose your confidence and label yourself as the “covering hole.”

It’s really hard to dig inside the person who has been deeply hurt. A person in this situation should get over the previous feeling before jumping to a new one.

But as unfair they might say, focusing on someone new can help a person recover from a break-up. This does not necessarily mean that the new relationship is valued less than the previous one. In fact, the new relationship can prove to have far greater worth than the previous relationship since it is through the comparison of need satisfaction that fulfillment is judged. The time between relationships is not necessary for psychological well-being. People need connection, and moving on can help you get over what has to be left behind…

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SPOILER HAHA!

SPOILER HAHA!

Since RJ is on vacay, I have a lot of free time these days after work just lying idle at home watching online movies.

And I’m not saying I was bored because definitely not. I was always looking forward to my alone-time every evening, lying on the bed with a bag of chips or anything to munch, dim lights, under my blanket, streaming movies online.

Just sad that every movie I picked to watch always turned out to be a good  Lovestory with a sad ending.

But I love those!

To name a few,  Here’s the best I’ve seen:

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1. EVERY DAY. Oh well, this is the story of a traveling spirit named A who wakes up each morning in a different body. Never to the same person again, and never on the same body twice.Until he wakes up to the body of one teen named Justine and fell in love with Rhiannon,  the girlfriend of that person. From day onwards, he tried to communicate with Rhiannon from different bodies and they fell in love. But of course, how could a story like that end up happy? At the end of the film, A decides to find a true-love for Rhiannon, a real person and not a soul while he keeps traveling from body to body but leaves a track by posting photos on Instagram.

I like the song from the film,

“Well you didn’t wake up this morning ‘cause you didn’t go to bed

You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red

The calendar on your wall was ticking the days off

You’ve been reading some old letters

You smile and think how much you’ve changed

All the money in the world couldn’t buy back those daysYou pull back the curtain

And the sun burns into your eyes

You watch a plane flying

Across a clear blue sky

This is the day, your life will surely change

This is the day when things fall into place….”

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2. MIDNIGHT SUN. Well, actually doesn’t really seems original but I loved the flow of the story. With no dull moment. A girl who had a rare disease that she couldn’t be exposed to sunlight. She had a long time crush since childhood and eventually, they fell in love until the day of her death.

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3. MEET ME IN ST.GALLEN. This is a Filipino Film. An artist met an aspiring musician one day and spent the entire day with him and though they created a great impact on that day, they went on separate ways at the end of the night like a total stranger just so not to spoil that wonderful perfect evening and only to meet again several years later at the same coffee shop where they first met but then the guy is already engaged to someone else, but this time, they made love only to part ways again both with heavy hearts and to meet again two years later when the guy followed her  to Europe and proposed to her that he realized he loved her and that he didn’t pursue the wedding plans only to find out that she is now in love with someone else and wouldn’t change her life just because he has changed his. But you can clearly see that they both have a fascination with each other…a real love that is always at the wrong time.

It’s really heartbreaking. How could be two people that you know is so much in love with each other couldn’t be together until the end? Another sad ending.

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4. 100 TULA PARA KAY STELLA. Another Filipino Film. This is the story of two College Students who met and became the best of  friends while they were still freshmen, and all throughout the film which is the entire duration of their College days, the guy is secretly in love with her though he couldn’t say it loud because he had a speech problem, but he writes poem for the girl to express his love (and made 100 poems) and when he finally had the guts to show to her, and tell her that he had loved her from the beginning,  the girl is already married to someone else who was there during the time when she was really down and hopeless and nowhere to go. They remained friends since then but the heartache the love caused both of them is really devastating! It’s really heavy to accept the pain.

And the heartache these films gave me is also incomparable, haha. But really, I enjoyed it.

I’ve seen a few more, but I guess this four is enough for now.

Highly recommended!

REASONS FOR LEAVING

REASONS FOR LEAVING

Okay, admit it!

We all came to the latter stage of any relationship that we want to let go of the pain, move on and never look back, but we do not know how and when to start, right?

We were in love with the person, yeah. might be true,  but we are not happy anymore.

It’s like we are already on the verge of losing ourselves.

But we have this inner-thoughts that, what if I’m about to make a very wrong decision?

What if they changed for the better? Or I change for the better?

What if I wasn’t been able to live without them after the breakup?

What if they are only waiting for me to do the first move?

What if the problem is not them but turned out to be me?

And a lot more stuff to think about.

Here’s the catch;

In every relationship, we all have this stage we called “you pushed me to my limit”, and prior to reaching that phase, we may have passed the rough edge already.

Been to a failed relationship myself once, I have reached to the point where I have to say that,  “F**k,  finally, this is it, We are over. I don’t want you anymore, goodbye!!!

But before reaching the boiling point, I tend to collect all the heartaches, disappointments, pains, rejections first before I finally explode.

And when that happened, for sure you will never be given a face anymore, not even a glimpse, not even a thought. You will be a total stranger, the nonexisting person.

Because admit it, we all give everyone a chance to prove themselves.

But let’s not make the other reach to the point where they no longer care.

Or they became numb they got used to it they don’t want you anymore in their lives.

Because. I’m sure you might have hurt them so badly to do that…

SPARK

SPARK

When Love suddenly turned cold, we often ask this question: “Where did Love go?”

Sometimes in a very long relationship, there will be at least once that everything turns bitter as they say. The person who was once very interested in you suddenly changed their direction leaving you wondering what could have been gone wrong.

Of course, you might have felt/see the signs before trying to configure things out.

  • The usual routine of just being together doing nothing turned not to be exciting anymore.
  • You don’t do things together anymore.
  • The other is planning things that are no longer including you.
  • Becomes more distant.
  • Talks about getting bored and the stuff.

You tried reaching out but they are not interested anymore.

The spark has gone.

What went wrong?

Think of it this way;

During the times when you assumed that everything is doing great between the two of you, then try to double check. Was it?

What if the relationship is not as what you thought is it?

Lack of Intimacy.

Did you ever had bottled issues that were never brought up? What if there are some things you know that needs to be brought up but you chose to ignore thinking that it will soon pass, and everything will go back to where it was before?

You might have a good intention in here, to ignore things not to make it a big deal but then you will never know how this ignoring would affect your partner.

What if the romantic stage of getting to know each other, dating, impressing the other has already gone?

We all been to a stage where you want to impress the other.  You want to be seen only at the best of you. The good side of yours. Romantic dinner dates, all night phone calls, sending love notes and flowers in between, sweet talks. And yeah, everyone wants that stage of the relationship to be forever. The perfect moment.

But what if its already gone?

Soon it will pass. Probably a couple of months, or a year then soon we have to face real life. Reaching the end of this period (getting to know each other) and facing the reality is somehow difficult to adjust. This is the period when you get to show the real you, in and out, good and bad.

What about commitment?

Did you ever wake up in bed and looked beside you and asked yourself: “Is this the one?“

“Am I ready to be with this person embracing all their flaws through thick and thin for the rest of my life?”

Do you picture yourself 20-30 years from now and still sleeping beside this person?

Are you ready for this?

The time when you actually have to deal with all the differences, embrace and accept it. This is how exactly your feelings can be tested. Because this is also where the infidelity might begin.

How you would be able to deal with the differences, accept the sudden change of behavior on both sides, and how you would both handle and overcome this phase.

If you pass this stage and still intact, I’m glad! You did it! (A lot of people actually did.)

But then, if you find yourself alone at this time again, still, and single, fed up with the same routine, people just come and go out of your life, then time to evaluate yourself.

Go back to re-check all the past situation. Weigh things out, Put yourself on the shoes of the other and think again, twice.

Then maybe, just maybe, you would not kill the spark next time.

ESCAPE

ESCAPE

How to deal with rejections.

Rejection is one of the hardest emotions to deal with. It may be rejections in a marriage. Rejections at work. Rejections by a friend.  When I felt rejected in several situations, it almost crushed me. And not only me, it happens to everyone, at any time, regardless of your status in life.

People in stable, long-term relationships and even marriages often feel rejected by their partner at one time or another. While some are not actually deep, repetitions over a long period of time could be extremely painful. Being repeatedly rejected by anyone can damage your self-esteem- and worse, the entire relationship.

And when anyone deals with this kind of situation, how do we feel?

Often times we would ask ourselves? What is wrong with me? Where did I go wrong? 

While some may recover in days, or weeks, or months, some others may find difficult to move on for years.

Been there and it happened because I am often hesitant to talk about it. When I opened up the situation once, and nothing worked out, it would be difficult to talk about the same story over and over again and risking another talk of the same situation will often end up to a major fight. And it made me unhappy.

However, keeping silent would not be helpful too. It will only develop bottled- anger that is waiting to explode. Sounds bad, isnt it?

Talk about it at the same time allot time and space for them to respond.

Everything shall pass. Soon. Might not be now but soon for sure. Even if you find some temporary solution to subside the pain like food or alcohol, or partying, or dating, just to gain back your self-confidence,  the pain will not go. Let it pass. Let it pass naturally.

And remember, it’s not always about you! Do not blame yourself alone. It’s not only about you. It’s not always your mistake! Often times, it may be sets of a different point of views, different outlook on life, different background, different styles, different requirements, compatibility, environment, past and present situations that’s why it happened.

You wont be hired as a cook if your forte is to sing.

You won’t blend with people doing exactly the opposites of what you like.

You cant make a person fall in love with you if they are in love with someone else.

Got the cliche?

When rejected, allow yourself time to consume and think about it. Analyze, write it down, do the power of sharing, and plan accordingly.

And ask yourself; Should you stay? Should you go?

If you go right now, where would you be? 

Are the rejections right now enough to tolerate the pain for the rest of your life?

Is it gonna be worthy?

Weigh things out, and if you realize the right answer, do it.

ESCAPE.

When you Lose yourself

When you Lose yourself

Almost three years ago, after everything I’ve been through, I came one morning in the office and while looking at the pile of papers I have to work on, I suddenly realized a few things. And this is what I exactly wrote;

1. I felt rejected.

2. I enjoyed too much.

3. So many things undone.

4. Time to get serious.

 * I felt rejected in the sense that I’m trying my hard damned best to fit in the world that I do not belong…and literally turned myself to someone that isn’t me.

* I enjoyed too much of a little bit of everything. Enjoyed my life I forgot the real goal, my purpose, and priorities in life. I settled for less. I settled for an instant. Something that is within my reach. Then I ended up with nothing.

As I crossed the path of life,  I have met and interacted with different kinds of people. From short to long relationships. From something just out of my plain curiosity to something I just wanna try, from things I wanna try out of stupidity, or out of pity, to something that has only become a challenge to me.

I didn’t go in a straight line direct to my destination but I went left and right turn, crossed every corner to corners, got tired of the long way, made a U-turn and came back, and returned…and so on, my journey became longer and longer than expected.

* And left so many things undone. I have failed to follow my timetable. I have failed to do what I’m supposed to be done.

I remember my 2011 Birthday with  AG Family while blowing the cake, I whispered these words as my wish;

FAMILY

CAREER

LIFE

RELATIONSHIP

FUTURE

– as my deep-set priorities. But unfortunately, out of bad-luck or series of wrong decisions, I never fulfill some of them like the way I wanted to be accordingly.

* Time to get serious. Serious in the sense that I should stay away from the things that only challenge me even though I won’t get any benefit from it. Be with the right company.

BECAUSE BAD COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD MIND.

But I never said, Im that good… (but I’m not bad either), just be with the right people. Enjoy but enjoy with limitations.

End of Blog.

“ You may wake up one day and find you don’t recognize the person you see in the mirror. Or sometimes, it happens gradually, day by day, you can feel yourself growing more distant from who you really are.

You may lose interest in the things you used to love, or you may find yourself utilizing other interests. You may find yourself feeling more fearless than ever before, or all you may want to do is hide away until these feelings pass.

You may want to live on the wild side for a while, going out and partying. Or, you may wish for your blankets to swallow you whole, until you disappear into the darkness.

You may feel as though you can’t fully grasp anything: the thoughts that swirl around in your brain or the emotions that tug at your heart. You may feel like things are fleeting: one second you’re sad, the next you’re super energetic.

You may feel these highs and lows more intensely than ever before. You may feel a little bit crazy, or like you can’t control anything anymore. You might start to wonder why you are the way you are, or why you’re doing the things you do.

And the truth is: you don’t really have a solid answer. You’re simply floating: outside of yourself, above the world, you were once apart of.

You’re here, but you’re not really here anymore. It’s almost as if your body decided to pack up and move on but no one told your mind yet.

Or perhaps it’s the other way around for you. Maybe you’re so tired that you can’t even imagine moving your body, but you can’t shut your mind off.

Or maybe you don’t feel anything at all. Maybe you’re numb, and you’ve gotten used to the idea of numbness. Of not feeling or thinking or doing.

Or maybe you have changed so much that you’re used to this new lifestyle. That newness can be addicting, as can the idea of rebelling against yourself. Leading a new life or pretending to be someone you’re not can really be intoxicating since it allows you to escape. Escape from your issues or run away from the world for a bit.

And who could blame you? Sometimes it’s easier to pretend not to care or put up a wall to block everything out. But deep down, you care too much and feel too deeply.

It’s harder for you because you feel these things so intensely and that pain can be so extreme that it hurts you all the way down to your soul.

You might feel like you don’t know up from down or that you don’t know which way is right. You may feel like time is going to slow or slip away. You might be on an emotional rollercoaster or feel uninspired and unmotivated.

All of this is completely normal. I can’t give you a play-by-play for how your life is going to go from here on out, but what I can say is that things do change and things will get better.

Hang on and take it easy. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing the best you can right now.

And that is enough, I promise you.”

How to cope up with break ups

How to cope up with break ups

Either a week long, a  month-long,  or a year-long relationship you were into, definitely, breakups is a terrible feeling and truly a heartache. Most probably, it will not only leave you devastated at that particular time, but it could also make you physically ill.

Even if the relationship wasn’t that great, you will still find yourself pondering to what went wrong, whose fault, what could have happened if you’ve done differently and so on and so forth.

Painful breakups may cloud your rational thinking. The first thing you would find very hard to tolerate is the grieving period. The beginning. The time when you have to start from scratch.That no matter how much you have already accepted your fate, there is still the grieving period, the abandonment period, the feelings of rejection, the feeling of not being good enough, the steps on how to start from being WE to being ME.

How could we cope up with breakups? Whether you initiated the breaking up or you were abandoned first, the most important thing is to treat yourself well during this period.

We all know that “Time heal all wounds”, but don’t ever forget that before you reach that point of being already moved-on, there is something we call,  a time-in-between that is RIGHT NOW. The time when you get to drown yourself in pity trying to figure out what went wrong and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You cannot speed up the process but at least, you have to consider some useful beginner-steps on how and where to start;

Write your thoughts about it. Write a lot about your pain. About your agony. Pain demands to be felt as the old cliche says. Feel it. Deal with it. Enjoy it. Until you no longer care.

Talk about it. having someone to cry with is better than crying alone in the middle of the night. If you want to sit, cry, ponder or whatever,  do it. Talking about it with your friends and feel bad about yourself is a great way to overcome it.

Be active. Slowly try to be active and go on daily exercises. It will slowly boost your mood and lower your stress level. A good functioning mind can make you think better.

Improve yourself and look better. Work a little harder on your physical looks. Get your hair trimmed, color a bit, a little facial,  treat yourself to a nice massage.

Eat, but do not overeat, Do not make extra eating habits as a way to cope up with a break-up. It will definitely not work out.

Travel and explore. But if you have no means to splurge on costly traveling, there’s a lot of alternatives to do. Travel with a minimum cost. Like going out in the woods, mountains, picnics, long walks,  beaches nearby.

Or Walk and explore! –> Way better than anything else. Enjoy some quality time alone. Look around. Take a lot of pictures. Do the thing that scares you. I love it!

Think and focus on all the good qualities you have. Rediscover yourself! You are way better than anyone else. Turn your loss to a learning lesson. Be positive. Have a good outlook on life. Do little things that make you feel good. Even the simplest thing. Laugh a lot. Give yourself a break!

Will not guarantee a fast recovery for these, but sure it will help. It’s really acceptable to drown yourself in pity for days, or weeks or months, but not for so long.

Coz sooner or later, a friend who’s always there to listen will eventually get pissed-off the same old story.

So try to help your self. Give yourself the power to control your thoughts and your feelings over the time, because nothing stays the same forever, no pain will be there for the rest of your life, you will soon get over it.

You will do just fine…don’t worry.