One of the risks of being quiet is that the other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are
There is always a part of my mind that is preparing for the worst, and another part of my mind that believes if I prepare enough for it, the worst won’t happen
It’s like I get into a roller coaster, and sit there while it goes up and down and upside down and sometimes I get thrown out and I hit my head, but I crawl back in again and the moment I’m back in, it just keeps on going and going again…all of this, so I can find things out and then I write about the things I find out so you can find them out from me. All the bruises, all the wounds, all the bumps on the head, all the scars, just so I can take that and I can write all these things, and sometimes I say “God, I don’t want to be in this roller coaster anymore.” But when I think about it, if I’m not right here, then where the hell would I be? On the sidewalk? I wasn’t born to stand on the sidewalk, I was born to fly around crazy in the sky!”
10 real facts about me.
Taken from the dashboard.
1. To start with, I have a keen sense of smell. Rather a sensitive smell. I guess that explains my OCD.
2. I’m very bad in directions. Minsan kahit ilang beses ko ng napuntahan hindi ko na kayang balikan. Mahina akong mag memorize ng mga roads and buildings, etc etc. Not only that, kahit madalas ko ng nilalakaran but when I started on the other way around like pabalik, or reverse direction na sa kabilang street ako maglalakad even on the same road maliligaw na ko for sure. Grabe talaga kabobohan ko when it comes to direction and even when giving directions to others, don’t trust me as hirap akong mag explain. Lagi kong sinasabi, “on the corner of”…or “that same road we used to pass by something…“. Once nga naligaw ako sa sarili kong flat. I just moved in then when I went to work, pagbalik ko nakalimutan ko kung anong number ng building ko.
There was also a time when I’m still working in a Telecommunications Company, naligaw ako kasi di ko matandaan kung saan ako bababa considering na mga 2 days na kong pumapasok.
3. I’m not good in Math. Kapag numbers, I do not only double check, minsan 10 times paulit ulit kasi nga ayokong magkamali lalo kapag work related. Even at work, what I’d do, I would observe kung paano ginagawa ng mga ka office mate ko and then I practice myself when I’m free.
4. I’m a sleepy head. I can sleep 16 hours straight. The longest time I slept was 4PM then I woke up the next day at the same time. (Well, it’s not continuously because I get up around two to three times to pee and to drink water). 8 hours of sleep is not enough for me that’s why I’m taking advantage of the “bed-all-day” during my off days/weekends.
5. I’m very observant. Everywhere I go. People, Places, things, food, movies etc. I just love to sit back and observe. That’s also how I see people’s inner personality and character. And if I keep an eye on something or someone, I would watch everything about them more closely. How they talk, how they laugh, how they speak, how they eat, how they move. Everything about them. Plus the fact that most of the time, we could define people from their upbringing, their environment, their family, their day to day living, their manners, their norms and the people around them.
6. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I have this habit of doing things on a cycle basis and I have obsession related to perfection. I’m keen to cleaning. Ung malinis sa iba, minsan madumi pa sa tingin ko. Basta I have my own way of doing things according to my standards. Mas gusto ko ang linis ko. Even sa cupboards, gusto ko laging arranged, organized and in order. But i dont demand people to do things, basta nakikita ko at hindi maayos sa paningin ko, I do it myself. Hindi lang sa mga gamit ko even sa gamit ng iba, at hindi lang din sa mga ginamit na kinalat ko, pati na din sa iba, kapag nakita kong nakakalat, ako na ang kusang magliligpit. Ayoko ng madumi. That’s one thing that immediately spoils my mood and irritates me fast.
I can’t leave the house in the morning with a messy bed and floor, Otherwise, I have the tendency to think about that at work and bothers me for the rest of the day. My clothes always have to be neatly folded and hunged in the cupboard. My kitchen has to be clean and tidy. No dust. I do the same thing over and over again. Everything has to be properly arranged.
7. Hindi ako madamot. Whether in money or in food or any other material things na meron ako. That’s one thing. If maliliit na amount of money lang na hindi naman ganun kabawasan para kwentahin pa, i dont mind it, hindi natin pag uusapan. I don’t count things na nagastos or nabigay, or kulang or dapat equally shared. But I could be maldita as well, and it shows when I start to dislike any person, no eye contact, and as if they are never existing.
8. What else? I have this unique charm I know, (not sa pagyayabang ha), but honestly, yes I do. Na palaging nakaka attract sa iba wherever I go. Madalas akong special treatment.The fact that I don’t get comfortable in any place or anyone easily. Not that mahiyain ako because I’m not like that. It’s just that I prefer to sit and observe first and make myself and everyone else at ease with me before I finally open up.
9. I have trypophobia. I find small holes, clusters, in different or irregular patterns gross & disgusting that would make me shiver and throw up.
10. I value privacy more than anything else, and at the same time, I value people’s privacy as well. I hate gossiping. I hate dramas or spilling out their emotions and burdens publicly, more-so keeping my life open for everyone to see. That’s what unhappy people do. Trying to get anyone’s attention. There’s always a right place and right time to express your sentiments with the right people. That’s what you call dignity. If you can’t even hide your personal issues, then who else do you expect to respect you, right?
…coz Im missin you…
Everything happens for a reason.
And everything happens at the right perfect timing.
It didnt happen a month earlier,or a year earlier, because it’s not meant to be.
Everything happens at the time it is right to be.
At the exact day.
At the exact month.
At the exact year.
At the exact time.
The perfect day.
Right this time.
Love the smell of the late afternoon breeze. The lights.
The smell of the trees. And the leaves.
The touch of the cold winter wind on my skin.
How it flies my hair.
The early night dark skies. The stars.
I just love the moment.
It gives spark and excitement to my heart.
Like the old times.
Intense and passionate.
While walking alone earlier, I wanted to stop for a while and write something. There are so many things running in my mind that I wanna write, so many thoughts. Passing that old restaurant. The same familiar cold weather. The smell of the air. The people walking. A lot of thoughts and flashbacks. It goes round and round… It keeps coming back. Life really is something… Sometimes boring, sometimes exciting and thrilling… I don’t wanna break the momentum. I love how it feels right now…