Over and done.
Until when shall I wait?
Until when shall I hold on?
Until when shall I not give up?
Until when shall I say that “Everything is gonna be alright, at the right time?”
When issues come one after the other?
When everything is not working out well?
When everything is turning against your wish.
Do you still wanna wait? When everything seems like not in the right time, in the right place, in the right situation, in the proper way.
What else is there to look forward to?
A few years back, while on the bus going back to my hometown from Manila, I happened to sit right next to a woman who recently came back from Spain. It was then that I thought of working abroad. I was at the same time lucky because I had an offer from a distant relative to go in here with a little cost.
Everything went so fast, in two weeks time, I got my visa and everything, and ready to fly.
Working away from home and living away from your Family is very difficult at first. It requires a lot of comradeship, endurance, holding back, friendliness, tolerance, and a lot of dealings.
Yeah, that’s the life of us people living away from home, to get used to living with people you just met, if you have no means to live alone, mostly at the beginning.
Not only that, you still have to face a lot of struggles adjusting to a new place, adjusting to new people that have different custom, traditions, lifestyles, food different from yours.
We all have to endure that for just one purpose, to provide our Family needs.
How does it feel to live alone where you have to do everything all by yourself? With no family to take care of you even when you are sick? To wake up, prepare your food, prepare yourself, clean your house, do your laundry, eat and sleep alone, nothing and no one to look after you even during the times of great trouble but just yourself, to be alone at the most special day of your life, to celebrate Christmas, New Year and all the other occasions by yourself or with friends. Not to eat properly and to feed yourself sometimes once a day meal.
It’s very much different from your home country when you can all share everything together. Spend time together. Eat together.
When you know that someone will be there for you.
Yeah, most of the times all you got to do is to self-pity. But what can you get from that after? Nothing. So better just to go on with the flow, adjust yourself, hold yourself and focus on much bigger things in life than drown yourself in sorrow.
Whenever you post some good pictures of yourself, or with friends, just so to let them know that you are okay in here, that everything is fine, but it doesn’t mean that you are really in a good situation. Photos can be deceiving. Of course, you won’t post something terribly bad for them to worry about you. But hey, of course, you have all the right to relax and enjoy at some point in your life.
Because only us living away from home would understand how it is really like to live alone in a foreign country that sometimes with no extra money in your pocket to buy things as a treat for yourself and will even send the last amount of money you’ve got.
And a lot more things and struggles!
But that’s life! This is the life we chose. Wasted time in terms of spending life with family but a higher understanding of responsibility, independence, maturity, discipline, and love for them.
When you did everything you could do, even those that are almost next to impossible but fail. When you turned everything upside down, moved heaven and earth, performed miracles, prayed hard, worked hard, tried all the alternative plans from A to Z, and all the other possible and impossible options/solutions/tricks/ whatever but still fail.
It seems that everything is against it’s will, all the current events, situations, natural phenomenon, and everyone involved combined their powers together just so not to make this happen/materialize.
What do we do then?
Is this the right time to completely wave our peace flag and give up?
What if Plan A didnt work out? There is always Plan B.
And what if it still didnt work out? Then, go for Plan C.
Or Plan D, and hey, there is still Plan E.
But what if you already consumed all the letters in the alphabet and everything didnt work out?
How unfortunate that could be then. :(
It’s very exhausting to wait, but it’s even more to wait for nothing.
Even how many times I have decided to remove you out of my system, I could only hold myself back for a while but never for such a long time.
Even how many times you have made my life upside down, hurt me to death, sleepless nights, I could only stay away from you for some time, and I would still go back into your arms.
Even how many times you have let me down and made me fall on my knees head first, I could never completely resist you.
There is something about you that is hard to resist. Joy and fulfillment.
And although it won’t last for long, I still want you to be here with me at times.
I guess I need you. Can’t live without you. I may be able to manage without you for a couple of days, or weeks or months, but not forever.
I know, I would still be needing you…and that temporary happiness you fill my heart is enough for me to go back with you once more.
And just as I said I won’t drink again anymore, I just swallowed my own words. Because I can’t stick to my word. You always have this kind of charm that is tickling me to go back and touch you.
A damn headache again on a working day.
No more alcohol please………..!